Happy Mardi Gras! From, Sydney with Love.

Sydney Harbour

Gay capital of the Southern Hemisphere. A safe haven where rainbow flags abound. Truly mesmerising! My home.

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The Girl With Cerebral Palsy Who Can Move Mountains

The Girl With Cerebral Palsy Who Can Move Mountains

I met Sandra last year with a smile that can brighten the darkest room. I was oblivious to her condition, even after she told me. We even got to dance together a few times. That’s how much strength she has and her view of life, fighting a battle that is near impossible to win. One word describes her – inspirational. Her moving story has touched my heart, waking me up to value my own journey. Her now limited mobility means they need to renovate their house, I’m sure the target is achievable so please, help me help my friend Sandra by donating and/or re-posting to share her story.  This is her story: <click picture below>

The Girl Who Can Move Mountains

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The self-reflection…

If I could be certain of only one thing about humanity, it would be that every person aims to have a good life. A balanced life! We may have different circumstances but all our humanity aims for “better” whether gay or straight, rich or poor, a Catholic priest or a Buddhist monk… I’m no different. The sane among us aims to become better or obtain better or do better. We are all “crazy” in our own little ways.” – Sex, Drugs and Alcohol: The weekend binge of a gay man

Dalai Lama

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10. I’m Yours!

Alex

What is it about cute guys that get me all goo goo gaa gaa? I can’t seem to say no. At the very least I lie through my teeth so not to queer most times… but occasionally if the dilemma of question is already twirling in my head, the cute guy has the convincing factor.  The witty ones get the best of me. Must be the dimple… or the grin! The smart metaphors, puns and analogies that rivals mine. It would appear there is a need to address this supposed self-diagnosed fear of rejection. The Jagger with the swag somehow wins me over convincingly. Wake up Ivan!

Perhaps it’s not a fear of rejection. Why would London reject me? I’m starting to think it’s actually more a fear of being disappointed. Surely I’m not the only one who experience this… RIGHT??? [would appreciate comments]

As I got on my way after check-in, my mind was  riddled with thoughts. The airport was busy but my brain was somewhere else. I have a decision to make. The plan was to have a few days of solidarity after leaving London to clear my head of confusion. Except being alone really “ain’t my thang”. I was in a day dream that the Immigration Officer had to snap me out from my blank face after I handed in my passport. She didn’t look impressed. After going through customs, my instinct was to look for free WiFi. Yet again I find myself obsessed with Facebook. Sigh. …but if it helps make the situation look like I have a tiny bit of self-control, the use of Facebook was mostly only between Alex and I. He had an obvious need to continue our unfinished conversation just before we parted last night [The Magic of London], rudely interrupted by our trains going on opposite directions – I’m not about to ignore him! Afterall, he was the first to private message me (each time) since my arrival. He’s also the one who organised the “catch up” over dinner and drinks with Ani, him and I. Now he is messaging me to offer assistance should I decide to stay in London:

Alex FB Message 1

Jason Mraz’s song starts playing in the shop I was in (coincidence?) and was on repeat in my head thereafter:
“Well, you dawned on me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I’m trying to get back”
– lyrics

The last days of my holiday was supposed to be a self-test on solidarity. No technology allowed! I am obviously not very good at it. I’ve just dug myself in a hole. Stupidly but typically, what do I do? Dig myself a deeper hole of course:

Alex FB Message 2

Did I mention he’s an unattainable? I don’t back down from a good challenge:
“Before the cool dawn run out
I’ll be giving it my bestest
And nothing’s gonna stop me but divine intervention.
I reckon, it’s again my turn
To win some or learn some.”
– lyrics

It appears innocent enough. Our messages to each other has a friendly yet flirty, “let’s be friends” perception… but now try and see it from my alternative perception and change London to Alex. Remember, this is the Ivan World with many different perceptions/realities concurrently happening at once:Alex FB Message 1 Altered

Cute Grin

Cute Grin

We’ve been facebook messaging each other ever since.

Image of his face from last night when he looked me in the eyes and grinned as we toast our glasses without the mention of “cheers”, is permanently scarred in my memory. That moment seemed eternity at the time and now it is… I can’t stop giggling thinking about it.

Delusional perception to an extent because Alex currently only ticks one of my three golden rules: love-able but neither date-able and/or fuck-able. Due mainly because he’s already taken.

A little childish but you have to admit, my perception is a lot more romantic and fun… don’t you think?
Open up your mind and see like me,
Open up your plans and damn you’re free.
Look into your heart and you’ll find love, love, love, love.
Listen to the music of the moment, people dance and sing, we’re just one big family
And it’s our God-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved”
– lyrics

It is a little silly. Alex, a silly 28 year old twinkly eyed cutie, trying to convince a stubborn, self-righteous and arrogant Peter Pan to move to London? Who does he think he is, Wendy Moira Angela Darling!? Although… I’ve always dreamt of living at Kensington Gardens to live among the fairies!

Rogue

He’s more like Rogue from the X-Men if you ask me. He’s even got the little patch of white hair going, which is pretty darn sexy! His attitude is bad girl, raunchy, kick-ass, and gritty persona. A cowboy almost. A bit of a hunk!

I hear my name gets called… my dilemma and deep thinking has gotten me late for boarding. Okay fine, I was fantasizing! [Happy now?] As I buckled myself in preparation for take-off, the fantasy was becoming a nightmare. I have a dilemma. I need to make a decision. I need a drink… especially with the two late 40’s retarded idiots to my right playing video games.

I wondered what kind of drinks they serve on this flight. I wondered what my best friend, Aaron would say. All my friends based in Europe has been constantly trying to convince me to relocate to London. Some I’ve asked and told me it’s a good idea. Some friends have even begged… but all I did was blink and say, “I’m considering it”.

It would appear I wasn’t the only one thirsty for beer. I was seated by the aisle on the right side of the plane and the tall blonde guy (not bad looking but not my type) also by the aisle within the middle seats, two rows in front from where I was, kept requesting for Stella Artois. His brunette older but handsome and a lot more sexier friend sitting behind him who looked like he’s in his late 30s was drinking just as quickly. Assuming he is older because his head studded with grey/white hair. I did the modest thing and got myself Carlsberg instead but I was drinking just as much. Before the in-flight meal was served, during and after. I noticed because surprise surprise I was perving at them. I needed it after realising that the spell of a cute guy’s cheeky smile can affect me again. It hasn’t for a long time. Not since before Dave (ex) with the exception of Nick (recent ex after Dave). The single Ivan is back now 30 but I didn’t know what to make of it…

What type of magic is it? I’m not one to make hasty decisions because due to stubbornness, once I made up my mind and make a decision, it’s usually rock solid. I dwell in deep thoughts and argue all sides and perceptions as would any perfectionist. Besides, it’s not like I know a fairy who would spare some golden dust and sprinkle some on me so I can fly back to London. This Rogue seems to forget that I’m afraid of London. Marriage and babies are metaphors for growing up. The day I left home when mother and father were talking about what I was to be when I became a man. “When I became a man?” An analogy to getting married, owning a house and popping babies? I want always to be a boy and to have fun! Just like 24 year old Darren.

Darren

Darren

Darren… I miss him! He’s so cute! Such a twink!

The airplane’s bathroom is finally vacant. The one at front just before the business class seats. All the beer takes its toll. The mirror is telling me that I should take better care of myself. I’m counting how many pimples are on my face and looking at my teeth. I’ve got good teeth. Stained by coffee and cigarettes but straight and the stain is not that bad. I need to shave. My hair is a bit of a mess but I don’t look that bad. I definitely need to look after myself better though.

Jason Mraz is still in my head singing:

I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed.
– lyrics

Darren TextBack in my seat I turned my cellphone on. Surprisingly I followed instructions for once and turned it off prior to take-off while on flight-mode. I looked at the messages exchanged with Darren. He accepted my date invitation to the zoo when I get back to Sydney. Whenever that’s supposed to be… He promised! He told me before I left for London that he will wait for me. Alex is seeing someone else anyways. Some Filipino boy. It’s silly for me to think about him. It’s crazy! Darren is a diamond in the rough! At the same time, he’s not one to commit and even requested to take things slow [The Art of Dating Men]. I’m reminded of my pledge to only date one person at a time from now on. There can only be one and Alex is far away… I contemplated the idea of dating one person per city. “Yeah right!”, I said out loud sarcastically but soft enough that no one heard. It’s a figure of speech commonly used in NZ popularized by Tui (beer) advertisements.

"Yeah Right!"

“Yeah Right!”

At this point I’m drunk and ready for bed. Thank goodness because I’m a light sleeper and plane noises are too much for me. It has a rusty kind of tone… OMG Rusty!! How could I forget that I promised Rusty I’ll go on a second date with him. I’ve never in my life made a promise I can’t keep. Rusty is the guy I was dating prior to meeting Darren. He’s so easily forgotten. I really need to suck it up and end it with Rusty… even though we only went on one date and there’s nothing to end. I’m dating Darren (period).

I’m still unsure whether Darren finds me attractive… but I’m also not sure about Alex either… my self-confidence is going down, I seem to have drunk a bit too much beer. Tiredness is clouding my thoughts further. London and Sydney… Grown Man and Peter Pan? How has this become Alex versus Darren? There is a clear conflict between realities and dreams. A metaphorical delusion I purposely create to make better sense of the world and personal life decisions. This is the Ivan World. Wake up Ivan!

The consequences of London are astronomical! It’s a challenge to say the least. Lower job security, lower pay (practically half), losing my bachelor pad apartment, my furniture and my new set of wardrobe clothes when I decided to replace everything… I have so much stuff accumulated in making a life in Sydney. Will I ever get a walk-in wardrobe again? Not to mention my best friend Aaron, my Sydney friends and new friends I’ve just made. I’ve only been in Sydney for two and a half years. Mum relocated in the comfort that I was in Sydney and can be with her. A pillar of an imaginary foundation. Sydney is only three hours away from NZ if I’m in need to see the family. Rusty… Darren… If I was to choose London over Sydney I would need to save. That means not seeing Ziggy (my snowboard) for yet another year. Travel plans halted. Things I’ve planned to do, complete and achieve. My goals and aspirations while living in Sydney! I love Sydney!! My Never Never Land!!! Why would I want to grow up?

Alex

Jason Mraz started singing in my head again:
But I won’t hesitate
No more, no more.
It cannot wait,
I’m sure.
There’s no need to complicate.
Our time is short.
This is our fate…
– lyrics

I like a good challenge. Time is the most important thing to me. Like a lightbulb lighting up above my head, I stood up so quickly to the surprise of a couple of people I woke up with my gasp for air and a couple of others who are still awake on this flight.

Time to swallow my pride and face my fears. I’VE DECIDED… “London!”, I said while getting up like waking up from a nightmare… I’m Yours!

There is much to be concerned about but time is short, this is the last opportunity for me to be eligible for UK Working Holiday Scheme… and I’m not getting any younger despite my Peter Pan lifestyle. Now time to think, how should I address each of the consequences of my decision?

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9. My Secret to Money & Happiness

Money problemI’m like a one day millionaire. What is it about holidays that make me feel like I can afford anything? It’s not as if I’m rich or anything albeit in my current income I can spend more than most people. The thing with me is that during holidays, I tend to not worry about budgets and prices no matter what my bank balance dictates. Time should be spent on more important things. There is still a bit of caution of course such as whether to purchase a £150 t-shirt but I don’t divulge in determining whether or not to pay for a £12.50 breakfast. I suppose that’s what holidays are designed to do… to relax a bit and not worry about the usual drags of everyday life.

During the last days of my time off, I’ve been able to complete a handful of articles to post. Life gets in the way of my writing but without life, there is nothing for me to write about. Writing helps me cope with the many colours bursting from my mind and to inspire… but it’s time to get back to reality. My credit cards are now maxed out and it’s time to go back to work again. Looking at a few surprises, bills left unattended and rent is one week behind.

Oh dear, it’s really time to go back to work. Being a contractor, I don’t get paid during time off – the trade-off from the hourly/daily rate of my career. It’s self inflicted really… you would think that being in project management, my personal schedules and budget would be pristine. On the contrary, similar to my chef friends who gets home and do not have the will to cook, I am no different. I’m good with schedules and budgets. Correction… I’m bloody awesome! Except that is, with my personal schedules and budget when I get home. What is it that makes us exceptional within our professions during working hours but slack outside paid time?

Getting back into the same old routine would be disastrous. Thankfully I have a few surprises up my sleeves:

  1. Physical health, I plan to get back into running to get fit again. I need to work out a bit more and build myself up; my friends have all said I’ve lost a lot of weight. Also my energy level seems to have depleted and stress level increasing so this would be a good start. I also desperately want to stop smoking. It’s a killer of a habit, physically and financially. I will also be refraining from drinking. I can’t believe living a Peter Pan / Brian Kinney lifestyle costs so bloody much. Looking at my bank statements, I’ve been spending about $AUD600 per week on partying alone! No wonder I refrained from looking at these figures… but it’s time to face the music.
  2. Financial health, refraining from partying should save me a whole lot of dollars. I really need to get on top of my credit card and my personal loan. I have no other debt apart from these. I have a few shares and superannuation savings in both NZ and Australia that would be an envy of any 30 year old… but! I’ve used this excuse time and time again to justify why I should allow myself some leeway. Time to pay off all debts, reduce my bills and save. I’m thinking downgrading from a $AUD700/week two bedroom apartment to a studio and selling off luxuries I don’t actually need. Why do I need $AUD1,000 worth of Espresso machine not to mention the capsules? Nespresso is just a label and I hardly use it so who am I trying to impress?
  3. Mental and spiritual health, I intend to keep this blog as updated as possible. I have a lot of things I want to write about and want to inspire others through my journey in life. Journey2love has a lot of work to be done and pages to be written. I also have a lot of questions, sometimes are answered just by having it written down somewhere. Writing can be a form of release for my creativity, which is worth the time. I also intend to get myself a guitar and pick up the habit again. There are a couple of books I want to read such as the Velvet Rage. I want to play the violin and viola again… not many people know of my musical capabilities. Well except Aaron being my best friend and all, whom I used to attend lessons with and play in orchestras together with.

There is one main reason among many how I seem to not get depress, especially about money. My key to happiness is simple. My love of life is the very basics, which helps keep things on track. I get bored very easily but I am also easily entertained. I would even say that “Finding Nemo Life” (men I’m dating) is one of them. Something I should write more about. My key to happiness is to follow my heart and what my heart desires gets my time.

Money vs Time

Money Clock

Money problem is one of the top causes of depression. Don’t be fooled, despite my portrayed image, I too suffer from financial woes (everyone does)… but I follow my heart! When things seem wrong, I spend time to correct them as best I can. If I’m not fully happy with things (eg. job), I stop and question it. When I feel my health is in trouble, I do something about it. If I’m stress, I take time off… Everything has its consequences, good or bad once I’ve made a decision I simply don’t care if I’m right or wrong. Good or Bad vs. Right or Wrong. It’s funny how such basic things are made complicated and are then misunderstood. Let me explain…

I once quit a job because it made me unhappy. It was a really good job except it was also very stressful and I was suffering all for the sake of money… so I quit. I handed in my resignation, to come into effect within a month. I didn’t have anything lined up that I asked mum if I could stay with her for a while so I can have the time to sort my life out. My family was shocked. Dismayed. Angry even! Such are the consequences of my actions. They could not understand why I would do such a thing. I was called an idiot. Stupid. I was even called a fool… but you know what? I made a decision. A decision affected only my own wellbeing. Mum could have said no and I’ll find an alternative solution. Good or bad, I did not care whether my decision was right or wrong. What mattered to me was time. I simply could not justify wasting time on something worthless to my life in the end. I could not fathom to even imagine how I could justify slaving and wasting time towards nothing more than a price tag. How could a salary place value on time? I simply just don’t get it. I would rather die! So I quit.

In my world, everyone is equal. We each have our differences but are all the same. You could be an actor, a chef, a lawyer or a project manager… but in reality, each one is simply a job. My career only really came to fruition when my perception evolved (I refuse to say “change”). Instead of valuing how much my capabilities would get me in salary, I started believing in myself. I am capable, full stop. The question is how much time am I prepared to lend a company my capabilities and how much money would companies pay for my time? It’s simply ridiculous to say you are successful just because of how much you get paid when you spend 60+ hours a week working, often tired, often stressed and don’t have much family/social life, etc.

Work/Life Balance

Work/Life Balance

My secret with money is that although I need it because society dictates, I really simply don’t care. I don’t care about money. Some of the best of us constantly worry about it. Some of us struggle to make ends meet. We all each have our differing circumstances but no different to the amount of time. If you think you have money problems, I would suggest you take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Ask yourself if you have a job and if not, why not? Look around you. I simply can’t complain about my current financial position when I’m surrounded by a 55” Samsung Smart TV and Nespresso machine in a two bedroom apartment. Do you have a car? How can you complain about having no money yet have the luxury of having a car? Ask yourself, what is it that you do with your time?

I guess what I’m trying to suggest is that we should all put more emphasis on time. Instead of placing monetary value, why not place a time value instead? Now count how often I mentioned “time” in this article. On that note, I think it’s time to stop mentioning “time”.

Total count = 30. My current age.

Better living everyone!

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8. The Magic of London

St Ermin's Hotel

St Ermin’s Hotel

Since I’m not a typical tourist, my experience is a tad different. London offered a little more magic than I initially expected. In fact, it was a bit of a fairy tale. From an enchanting wedding to London’s best pie, to finally finding a proper London rainbow flag and a stroll down Thames River on a not so typical nice sunny day. High tea at the Ritz and to top it off, I even met a cute gay guy who offered to help me if I was to relocate… my last week was unreal. My experience was magical.

It’s Jenny and Dean’s wedding day! FML, I was late… again. Hangover… again! So much for a Wimbledon romance… Thankfully I made it just in time albeit a mess, sunglasses on, you wouldn’t have guessed what happened the night before. That is, until Jenny came down the aisle. I was in tears no sunglasses can hide.

Orchestra

Orchestra & Chandelier

Jenny and I used to live together. In our early twenties when Jenny was with someone else, there were five of us including Ate&Tim (sister and husband) in a massive three bedroom apartment in the centre of the city. Rent split in third between couples, back then I owned a car… the sixth member of our little family. Our arrangements made everything financially possible.

Jenny and I used to talk about our wedding plans. How magical our weddings will be… and the moment I saw her in her dream wedding dress, it suddenly hit me. Memories came all at once. The stuff of legends we only dreamed of but now a reality. My Jenny is finally having her dream day in her dream dress, which took six months to make. Tears kept coming, I was so happy for my Jenny. I’ve missed her so much I wouldn’t miss her dream day for anything… even though it was the day her father gives her away.

Fine Dining

Fine Dining

Friends

Friends

The wedding was held at St Ermin’s Hotel. It was an extravagant wedding to say the least. Champagne flowed, cocktails everywhere. Canapés to keep people sober before dinner. Perhaps my highlight was the orchestra, which seemed to keep playing non-stop throughout the day and night. What I enjoyed the most was the company of my friends. The La Casa Pasta Restaurant circle of friends. A re-union fit for the year book. The only two missing are April and Alex. They split up though during the end of our groupie days so we would have been content if only April was also able to attend. More wine please, leave the bottle! I need it to keep myself sane from the fabulousness I never seem to get used to.

High Tea at The Ritz

High Tea at The RItz

London, I’m impressed. This city definitely knows the high class of life. Apart from the wedding, Jenny also booked me for high tea at the Ritz a couple of days after the wedding. According to my friend Ani, booking at the Ritz is usually at least six months. I guess I’m a lucky guy. London offers all the glitz and glamour the world can possess. I’m lucky to be able to experience these magnificent events. I can pull up in suit and tie, rock it like a queen, you would think I was a celebrity… but it’s not me. I’m glad I am able to experience these things that I fully enjoy but my love of life is simple. I suppose that’s another reason why I’m writing about my life… I seem to have lost that spark that makes my life magical. Where are the little things I love so much?

The Ritz

The Ritz

Chandelier

Bar Chandelier

Aaron’s brother, Kane and his wife Lisa wants to catch up. I haven’t seen them in years and I also couldn’t wait to meet the new member of the family, baby Victoria! We’ve organised to meet for lunch during the week because Kane had to work. We met at the Barrowboy and Banker. Apparently their pies here are the best London has to offer and are hand-made. The lager was good. The pie, definitely but no offence London but Maggie’s pies are wayyy better! Maggie is Aaron and Kane’s mother who used to own her own bakery. She’s a little OCD and a bit of a perfectionist, her pies were perfection or in the bin they go. Bin as in give them for free to someone who would eat them. Ok so I’m a little bit biased. I enjoyed my chicken pie. Next time, try not to mix up Lisa’s order.

The Barrowboy and Banker

The Barrowboy and Banker

Borough Market

Borough Market

Victoria is gorgeous! We can’t quite figure out the colours of her eyes but my guess is they are purple. How rare for her to have these beautiful eyes, I was a tad jealous. After Kane showed us his office and introduced us to his colleagues, it was time to go for a stroll. From lunch to Kane’s office, we were fortunate enough to go through Borough Market. Apparently this is where the farmers take their stock for grocers. I enjoyed it as much as any tourist would. Not my cup of tea. It was a hot sunny day.

What I enjoyed was the cool stride down Thames River with Lisa and Victoria. Victoria was mostly asleep in her pram so Lisa and I got to have a good catch up. We unknowingly walked past the Rose Theatre but thankfully noticed the sign. I can’t believe it! THE Rose Theatre!!!

Shakespeare Rose Theatre

Shakespeare Rose Theatre

Down at the Thames, we managed to capture a few tourist shots. There was a show on at Shakespeare’s Theatre. I took a quick picture and moved on. There was something magical about a stroll down Thames River with a friend, as a local and not a tourist. The weather undoubtedly played its part. A cool summer’s breeze and just warm enough to wear t-shirt and jandals (slippers) comfortably. There was so much Lisa and I could talk about but in a span of two hours, it was a matter of ensuring that we are both each in a happy and safe place. This is what I like. To me, this experience was magic:

Rose Theatre

Rose Theatre

Thames River

Thames River

The Thames

The Thames

Big Ben and Thames

Big Ben and Thames

Shakespeare's Theatre

Shakespeare’s Theatre

One of the key highlights of my stay was when Jon finally introduced me to a London gay bar. An authentic rainbow flag at last! Although the bar itself was empty I felt free. Boredom sets in so I suggested The George and Dragon, which Wayland’s friends said was good. We were in luck! It was still open despite a school night and indeed, it was a gay bar. I finally got the gay bar experience I wanted:

Rainbow Flag

Rainbow Flag

The George and Dragon

The George and Dragon

The George and Dragon Decor

The George and Dragon Decor

Connection

Connection

My last night in London was booked with Ani and her flatmate Alex for dinner and drinks. Ani is a friend from Wellington, New Zealand. She’s a bit of a fag hag and a party queen. Ani and I became friends through other means than Tim and my sister. My sister hates Ani with a passion. I say this because Tim used to date Ani. Indeed, the plot thickens! But I’m not about to give a history lesson.

Alex and I are friends on facebook. Except Alex and I have never met each other. I’ve forgotten how this came about. Ani and Alex live together out West. I met them after work in the city at Covent Gardens. Such is a kiwi girl, Ani knows how to handle her drink. I don’t even know how many bottles of wine we went through… but once we got near the end of the night when dinner was necessary, while eating our burgers at Five Guys (burger joint) she asked me if I liked Alex.

I was wearing concealer that night coz my nose was red from a big pimple. I was paranoid… especially since Ani was right, I fancied Alex. It seems Alex fancied me too! At least in the Ivan World he does but I’m not really sure. Through the conversations, Alex did mention that he’s currently seeing someone. A Filipino boy in fact! My come back is of course a little story about Darren. My 24 year old love story. If the situation could not get any more complicated, Ani just had to take a snapchat pic of Alex and I and send it to Ryan. Ryan has a huge crush on Alex. Alex explained that he’s not into Ryan because he comes on to him too much.

Five GuysNow, I’m not about to jump Alex’s bones. I’m also not saying he’s the hottest guy I’ve ever met. I should also mention that my response to Ani’s question was, “I’m always attracted to unattainable men”. However, there’s something about Alex. On our way home after Five Guys, Alex kept trying to convince Ani to go for one more drink somewhere. She didn’t want to but I had an ace in my hands, it was my last night! It would appear that Alex still wants to hang out with me but using Ani, our common friend, as the gate keeper. The referee. The match-maker.

We ended up at a gay bar to my surprise. Got ourselves a bottle of champagne. I did the normal trick, spend some time in the bathroom. Apart from being able to fix myself and look pretty again, this gave Alex and Ani some private time. I’m used to it. Experience told me Alex wanted to talk to Ani about me and Ani wanted to tell Alex that I fancied him.

Prior to going home via tube (train) before we go on our separate ways, Alex was jumping around wanting to have a one on one chat with me. I told them I’m off to Paris to stay overnight prior to three days in Florence then Berlin. He was keen to know more but my train arrived before I could even begin. A quick goodbye, “you’ve got me on facebook” later… I felt butterflies in my stomach. A feeling I have not felt in oh so long and missed.

The Magic Of London

I’m scared of London. My friends say I’m afraid of commitment. Upon self observation, I’m not at all afraid of commitment. I’m afraid of rejection… and I’m afraid of London because of its magic. The magic you can’t help to fall in love with. From the glitz and glamour of first class experience to a humble pie and a simple walk at Thames River down to the like-minded Englishmen who knows how to charm and seduce you to temptations… I can’t help but fall in love with the magic of London. This Peter Pan wannabe is afraid of it.

I’m off to another adventure… although I feel like I’m leaving myself behind. As if I’m running away from myself. Perhaps it’s time to swallow my pride and give London a chance? Perhaps it’s time to allow myself to be swept by the city’s magic and fall in love?

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7. Wedding Speech of the Gay Brother

Marriage

Marriage

When my sister and Tim had their White Wedding last year (2012) I was asked to make a speech. My best friend described it to have caused “a tsunami of tears“. I was the maidsman to my sister and Tim’s bestfriend, Sarah was the groomswoman. Tim, Sarah and the bestman drove in via Maserati while my sister, maid of honour and I flew in via helicopter.

As I prepared myself for Jenny’s wedding, I am reminded of my view of marriage. It’s importance and what it is like to want something you are told you can’t have…

I know the world will soon change for the better. This was my speech:

Time, Love & Family

I titled my speech “time, love and family” to explain the link between Tim [groom], Lovely my sister [bride] and family [me]. TIm, Lovely and Me!

Not many people know that I actually have known Tim a lot longer than my sister. Oh yes, we go wayyy back… all the way back to Wainuiomata [Wellington NZ suburb]. Except I don’t think he knew me back then. My bestfriend Aaron, Jacinta and I used to drive to Wainui dairy [“dairy” means convenience store] where Tim used to work. I thought he was the quiet check-out counter boy – the sucker who sells under-age teenagers cigarettes. Turns out Jacinta had a crush on him back then! …she’s a lesbian now.

Oh and he used to go to Naenae College… back when we used to skip school and hang out with similar crowds.

It’s funny coz when I finally got caught skipping school, when my calculus teacher told my dad [Uncle Barry]… when dad called my cellphone on our way back, it was my sister who was driving the car. Go figure.

She’s always been there for me… my sister. I’ve known her for a very long time, in fact I’ve known her my whole life! We have like a love/hate relationship. People used to tell us we are like cat and dog. Our “normal” conversation usually involved: yelling; stomping; and demands. [pause]

Ahem… let me get the voice right… “IVYYYY!!!” she used to yell… <stomp> <stomp> <stomp> [demonstrated in action]… “do the dishes, NOW!”

When Tim and Ate (pronounced Ah-te means older sister) hooked up I was like, WHOA! Glad she finally found someone who can put up with her!

But seriously… Tim and Ate, we have had great times! We even used to live together!!!

I am sooo glad I never heard them ‘do it’. Okay maybe once or twice but I was like [place fingers in ears] “lalalalala” so they don’t really count.

We used to party together. Oh how I have missed those raving days! You. Know. What. I’m. Talking. ABOUT!!!

Now we’ve all grown up and started talking about marriage… and having them! Time has gone so fast. It goes to show how important TIME is… How EACH MOMENT can become life long memories… and how ONE DAY can have many special moments!

When my sister asked me to make a speech, I didn’t know what to say. I wrote this just last night, drunk. I mean… what’s so important about marriage??? [rolls eyes] To myself for instance who can’t get married… but it must be pretty bloody important with so many gays and lesbians fighting to have this right. You know, I’ve also wondered why Tim & Ate wasn’t getting married. As self-centred as I am, I thought Ate & Tim must LOVE me so much that if I can’t get married, neither will they….. but it’s about fucking time! …10 YEARS!!! I thought they must have waited until I too have the right to celebrate such an occasion.

That everyone is what marriage is all about: A day to celebrate with family and friends. A day to recognise the union of two people… two families becoming one. A day full of special moments to remember forever. A day to celebrate love!

Time.

Love.

Family.

I, not only speak for myself but also on behalf of mama and papa [biological parents] who sadly can’t be here today. It’s not easy coming from a broken family… BUT… I’m happy we found a family we can call our own. And I’m sure that if mama and papa were here they would agree with what I have to say… 

Ate… I am sooo very proud of you! And I am sooo happy you found the love of your life.

Tim… knowing you give me the comfort that my sister is loved as much as I do by someone who can spend the rest of her life with.

…and when you both eventually create your own family, would be one of the next happy moments of my life…

Congratulations! xxo

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